A flight from hell.

This is a map of how to drive to Japan from LA

I love flying on long-haul flights.  I get overly excited about airline food to the point of becoming anxious about what to order, and I love having a bunch of movies, TV shows and trivia games at my fingertips.  I choose my airlines based on their menu selection and in-flight entertainment options.  Singapore Airlines is the jackpot, but I settled on the highly rated ANA (All Nippon Airways) as it let my wallet feel less raped.

I imagine this is how it went down.

Apparently I brought an uninvited extra carry-on aboard: a virus.  This virus decided to have a sex party in my body, birthing tons of replica viruses throughout the entire 17 hour journey.  Because I was on ANA, I was super self-conscious about being sick as I was not wearing the Asian "I'm sick" mask.  As I uncomfortably shifted around sniffling, coughing up a lung, breaking out into a sweaty fever, and wiping my spout of a nose on my sleeve (eventually, my friendly Japanese neighbor gave me a packet of tissues which I blew through in 5 minutes). I tried to be inconspicuous.  Fail. I also had to ask the two people sitting next to me to get up no less than 15 times during the 14 hour flight because my bladder is the size of a soybean.  I was so uncomfortable that I couldn't enjoy any of the amenities on board and got up twice to use a neti-pot in the bathroom.  By the time I reached Tokyo, I wasn't even sure if I could survive long enough to catch my connecting flight. I walked by the thermal cameras and caught a glance from the health supervisor on duty, holding in my cough the whole way through.

Once I landed in Nagoya, I was spent.  I pushed my cart around looking for my ride.  Delirious with fever and mental exhaustion, I talked myself into believing I had been set up.  "They aren't coming." "It was all a trap!" "Where the fuck are you going to go now?" I made my way to the ATM, prepared to take out enough money for a cab ride to a hotel when I heard my name called out behind me.  My boss.  Thank.  God.  He immediately bought me a mask and we headed to my new home.  Everything after this is a bit blurry, and once I got settled in my new place, I passed out hoping I would feel good enough to make it to work the next day.

Yeah, they don't fuck around over here.